our space

is still here.

though it hasn't been visited in a while.

it's not empty, but what was added here was in the past. 

most everything that we think about is the same. in the past. 

and then how the past will affect our future. 

but then we get away from the present.

now i've found my way here, quietly.

and found our space waiting for me.

to enter it. here.

xo

your jessica

#1 Love Bytes

...and sometimes it hurts.

i just started reading tiny beautiful things. it's a collection of originally published letters by cheryl strayed, the infamous "sugar" of "dear sugar", the advice column that reads more like literary art.

in a response that she writes to a frightened man who after divorcing one wife of 20+ years finds another that he does indeed loves but can't tell her so, sugar gives a strikingly true definition of love the way we typically experience it:

it is not so incomprehensible as you pretend, sweet pea. love is the feeling we have for those we care deeply about and hold in high regard. it can be light as the hug we give a friend or heavy as the sacrifices we make for our children. it can be romantic, platonic, familial, fleeting, everlasting, conditional, unconditional, imbued with sorry, stoked by sex, sullied by abuse, amplified by kindness, twisted by betrayal, deepened by time, darkened by difficulty, leavened by generosity, nourished by humor, and loaded with promises and commitments that we may or may not want to keep. the best thing you can do with your life is tackle the motherfucking shit out of love.

sugar was hoping to undo these preconceived notions that the reader had about love meaning one thing. that is the love he felt for this new woman didn't have to be the same love that he felt for his ex-wife nor did it have to require the same actions, behaviors. it's something brand new. I am admittedly a person that believes the word "love" should not be used too casually. it's a word that should be assigned to something or someone special. and not that you can't love many things, but not everything can have the same appointment as "love" because then it loses its specialness. after reading sugar, i think she is right. sometimes its possible to become overwhelmed with feeling that is more than like and it doesn't mean that the feeling will stay, but while it's here we should embrace it and love it without feeling the need to act on it all the time or maybe there are times that we should! not just superficial things but our challenges and sorrows and solitude should be embraced with love.

so here's a new post series that im calling love bytes. it's for all my loves from fleeting to everlasting, both unconditional to conditional. i'll # them as I go and write to you in this space when i feel love. look for #2 very soon to get the idea <3

xo

oh btw-- the image is of Princess Elizabeth of the kingdom of Toro (Uganda.) She is stunning and has quite a list of inspiring accomplishments (princess, lawyer, politician, diplomat, model, actress) which is why her picture is on my first love byte post. i love her.

image credit: afrikanwomen

when friday arrives

i'm usually wondering where it's been! as the week inched along, i was starting to wonder whether it was ever going to come. well, it came. it turns out that it will be the last time anticipating friday from the desk at a job i took here in portland just over one year ago.

but it's still friday nonetheless and for me that could mean one or a combination of the following:

going on a date with Lasana when he's in town
doing laundry and other chores because i hate using my weekend time doing it
romancing myself at home with a candlelit bubble bath and a spotify playlist
an evening yin yoga class at my favorite yoga studio in portland
salad rolls from our neighborhood thai place
seeing a movie at this old school theatre i love
reading a really good book (we're about to start Sacred Woman by Queen Afua)

when friday arrives, i feel so in control of the day. i finally get to call the people back i ignored during the busy work week or spend real time tidying my tiny apartment or forget about EVERYTHING on my work calendar and leaving the whole week on the yoga mat. i know the next day means relaxation (and often times solitude) which i've embraced over the past year being here in raining portland, or.


one thing has never changed since December 2012.

when friday arrives im in love.

xo
jessica